Have High Standards for Your Players and Their Families!
I recently read an article in the sports section of a major newspaper about a very successful high school coach who stepped down from her position due to the consistent and overbearing impact of team parents. It detailed the repeated challenges she faced from just a couple families that questioned everything from her methods, to her use of personnel, to her empathy for the players off the court. A few different emotions ran through me, but the prevailing one seems to be sadness. From the article, this coach had built a girls high school hoop program that would make others envious – 63 wins in a row, two state titles, another runner-up finish, and a record of 166 and 25 in eight years – in the largest classification in this state. And it seems that the players absolutely loved her, and played hard for her in a demanding, yet rewarding program. But her decision to step down indicated that it wasn’t worth the aggravation of dealing with parents who could never be satisfied unless their kids were the center of attention.
While I think there are several components to this issue, my point here is to encourage school leaders (Athletic Directors, Principals, Heads of School, Board Members, etc.) to have unequivocal, direct, and anticipatory language that communicates proactively that school leadership stands behind the athletic staff, and that parental interference not only won’t be tolerated, but it will have repercussions. That type of language may require legal assistance, but nowadays, that is the land we live in.
I have worked with very strong and opinionated parents during the season, and while there are coaches who can sometimes be second-guessed in strategy, policy, or playing time issues, these have to be the jurisdiction of the athletic administration, not the parents. I was fortunate to work for strong school leaders who recognized the cauldron of emotions and lack of objectivity in the youth sports environment, but they would not allow parents to have negative influences around our programs. One leader, who I so appreciated at the time, would ask me first if he should approach parents to have a conversation. His point was that not everyone belonged in our environment, and that he had the authority to disinvite parents and their kids from enrollment, if they could not accept the mission and leadership of our programs (that was in the private school setting, so I do recognize that that is not always feasible in other environments).
However, participation in sports should be viewed as a privilege, and not a right. Conduct and decorum, from the players and their families, have to be determining factors of that privilege, and parents who compromise the standards of a program must learn that schools are teaching environments, and there are consequences for those who don’t comply with the expectations. We first want to work with all parents so that they understand behavioral expectations in our athletic program, and we do want them to be advocates for our sports teams. But if they cannot be outwardly supportive, then it’s critical to attempt to redirect them.
As a leader, be sure that you and your superiors have spoken about how to work through issues with parents, and how situations involving them will be handled. Much of the discord can be prevented by having a proactive and effective communication policy. And by the way, the large majority of sports parents are positive and supportive, so this will hopefully be a rare occurrence.